Dori's doing fine today. She is real peaceful and sometimes responds to people talking to her. My brother Willace and I wacthed the Tech-OU game with Dori and yes, we did have the sound off; but yes, we did yell when things got interesting at the end of the game. So I'm sure Dori thought it was just a typical Saturday at the Johnson house. Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. I am really starting to appreciate Dori more and more each moment as I realize what she meant to so many people. My Grandma Johnson used to tell her grandkids "you won't appreciate me until I'm gone". It's kind of sad that we drove her to say that -sorry Grandma!- but she was right. I'm glad that because of all love flowing Dori's way and seeing all the people she touched I am able to appreciate her right now. God Bless you all.

Thursday was hard day. I'm a little too tired to elaborate other than to just say she was hurting off and on and had trouble keeping thing down and so it made for a pretty long day. She got lots of love and some really special people came by, I guess I forget just how many people she has touched and means a lot too. In the movie 'Moulin Rougue' the theme is someting like "The greatest thing there is to learn in life is to love and be loved in return". I don't think there is anyone who knew Dori for any length of time that could doubt that she had learned how to love. No matter who you were she could love you and respect you. She could love you but not like what you were doing-something many of us have a hard time doing today. Hopefully that makes sense. And she was very much loved in return. She didn't expect to be loved back or require it from those that she loved, but she got it and she learned how to accept the love in return-something maybe a little more difficult to do for someone who was so unselfish and always concerned about the other person.

I'll never forget learnning Dori had cancer and thinking how awful that was for her and for me, our kids. How I would propbably lose this person I had loved for such a short time. How I would someday have to raise a son all by myself. All these fears and troubles I had and felt were ahead of me melted away when I finally talked to Dori and all she said was "I'm so sorry for what this is going to do to YOU." There was no "I" or "me" in her concerns, she had the proper perspective and helped me to gain mine. And that is just Dori. She is able to think of everyone but herself even when the world would expect-and certainly understand-her to be most concerned about her own well being, she was focused on everyone else. When love someone so much that you can be that unselfish, you have truly learned how to love-and you will be loved in return.

Today was a long day. There were some things that I had to get done at work so I had to go in for a little while. But when Dori woke up around 8pm she was in some real pain and the oral meds were not giving her quick enough relief. Her buddy Melissa was over and we had a heck of a time getting a handle on the pain but finally did. When her nurse got here she gave her some liquid meds and that worked real good. Finally I was able to go into the office and knock out my little projects and get back home.

I'll be real honest that this morning was one tough trip. Seeing Dori totally unable to move herself at all and hurting and me being unable to do anything and feeling helpless was a real tough time. But things are better now as Dori is now getting 24/7 nurse help and she's peaceful again. Vitas hospice has been great about responding to our needs, but things are changing so quickly that we were caught off guard a bit this morning. And while I had the liquid pain meds to give her, she wouldn't let me give them to her because she felt it would make her sick. Our wonderful nurse, however got Dori to take it and she did not get sick at all and felt better right away.

So that is where we are tonight. The kids are doing pretty good. Tait is a rock and Jaden is being a typical 3-year-old and driving me crazy at times. In fact, coule we get a child-proof top for tubes of toothpaste? If so, my life would be a little easier. Peace.

Yesterday we got the medical bed for Dori and set it up downstairs in the living room for her. The bed goes up and down with the push of a button and it allows her to raise her torso to a point that provides some relief from her liver pressing against a nerve that was making her shoulder ache. It seems to work real well. Yersterday was a real whirlwind starting in the morning shen several of Dori's friends were over helping Dori to prepare for Christmas this year. We also bought lots of little things in China for Jaden that we want to give her on her birthdays over the course of several years, so they helped find everything and organize that. Dori's best friend that she has known since middle school spent most of the day here and we got to chat some which was nice.

Yesterday evening our two pastors were over and we talked about various things and Dori was able to convey to them what she wanted her memorial service to be like. Finally we had an old friend of mine, Glenn Green, stop by with his wife and son and we talked music and sang for about an hour and a half. Glenn is a great person and talented musician and it was good to have him over.

As I was writing this entry this morning Dori had a tough few minutes where she was in some bad pain, I got her to take her pain meds and now she is sleeping again but she was really hurting for a few minutes as the medicine she took last night wore off and before the new med kicked in. Today will probably be a little slower and hopefully peaceful.

Sorry I haven't been better about updating but here it goes. Hospice has been really good so far. Dori loves her nurse and they are very in tune to her needs. Dori's appetite is almost zero, however this is to be expected in a liver failure scenario. So we manage the pain and keep Dori as comfortable as we can. We had hoped to be able to drain the fludi from around her abdomen but her blood pressure is so low that even that kind of "simple" procedure is not possible to do. It wouldn't do anything to improve her overall outlook but it might have made her feel better for a few days before it came back. So we'll live with it and make the most of it. We will be getting a hospital bed for Dori to keep downstairs so that she won't have to navigate the stairs twice a day. We still don't know exactly what the future holds but most likely we are down to final weeks rather than months.

The nurse today commented to me how at peace Dori was with everything and I can tell you that is how she feels. I have had the misfortune of having two good friends of mine killed (actually murdered) while they were in their early twenties. Both times I really struggled with the fate of my two friends. I had to have a real bit of sould searching to finally come to understand that God was much more saddened than I was that His two children had been murdered so young. It took some time to finally understand, but knowing that God is a God of love, mercy, grace and forgiveness I take great joy now in knowing that one day I will see my friends again. I share this story now because, in contrast to my two youngs friends, I have no doubts about where Dori is headed. I will waste no sleep contemplating her fate or having any doubts about her life after death. I feel a little ashamed that I had those doubts years ago, but because I did have my doubts and explored my own faith and what I believed I am much better off today.

Don't wprry about Dori, keep her in your hearts and in your prayers. Be thankful that you were able to know Dori, and share with others what you have learned through her.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
2Tim 4:7