Last night I finally got out and hard dinner and 'ritas with some of our good friends. The food was great, the weather was nice, the drinks were maybe a little too strong in retrospect and we had a great time. I'm not really hung over but I did not want to get up and let Gizmo out as early as she wanted. But I'm up and ready for a great Saturday.

Last night would have have perfect if I hadn't of checked the mail when I got home. There was a card in there from Dori's uncle who lives in Oklahoma. I had kind of forgetten about her family in Oklahoma because we really didn't correspond with them in the last 10 years. I'm not sure why really, and I think Dori was a bit miffed by why her family always seemed a bit distant compared with mine. So the card was really nice and he talked about the great memories of Dori as a child and he had sent some photos. Well, I just fell apart right there. It has been a long time since I had cried that loud and long, and it was kind of like a sonwballl going downhill that grew louder and longer as it went. Someone had said that you never know what will trigger your emotions until you are there and it's too late. They were right! Anyway, it felt good too just let it flow. Now, I don't want you to think that I'm an emotional wreck all the time becuase I'm not. It is just that sometimes dealing with the reality that I'll never be able to hold Dori during this lifetime is a tough reality to face. And even though I know in my heart I'll see her again one day, my human nature is to want more right now..

There is a time for everything and we are having our happy times even now, but we are also having some times of real sadness too. Pray that we will continue to build on the good times and be able to slowly melt away our sadness. I'm sure its not just me either, so I'll be praying for you too.

Yesterday it took me 2.5 hours to pickup both my kids, go to the grocery store and then to McDonalds for dinner because at that point there was no way I was going to go home and feed these guys myself! I'm finding that this is a tough job and my hat is off to those who do this with far less resources than I have. The thing that keeps me going is something a dear friend told my recently.."JE, you were a single Mom with two kids people wouldn't think twice about whether you could do it." So I am going to make this work for all my brothers in manhood out there.

I have taken to calling our little family the "Johnson Trinity", the father (me), the son (Tait) and the holy terror (Jaden). But it is fun and I love my kids!

Some friends helped me out by cleaning out Dori's closet today, which leads me to....

Quote of the day:
Jaden: Does Mommy have clothes in heaven?
Me: I think so, she has everything she needs.
Jaden: Does she have a bath tub?
Me: Yes, I'm sure she has whatever she wants.
Jaden: Heaven is just like San Antonio.

I loved the recent remake of Willie Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I love Tim Burton and I loved this movie in particular.

If you have seen it do you remember when Charlie finds the last golden ticket and he offers to sell it and give the money to his poor family. Well, his Granpa George says to him, "There's plenty of money out there. They print more of it every day. But that ticket? There are only five of them in the world, and that's all there's ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy? " I thought of Dori for two reasons when I heard that line again recently. First, isn't that the kind of reaction Dori would have had if Charlie had offered the ticket to her? Secondly, Dori in many ways was like a golden ticket. But there were not five made there was one and I wouldn't have traded her for all the money in the world. So, needless to say I miss Dori.

It is funny that of all the planning we did together, we got the kids taken care of from sunup to sundown, we got insurance, we have plans for the immediate and the far future, we have vast stocks of great food and more on the way, but I never thought about just how much I'd just miss Dori. And it's not just me, Jaden mentioned to me today that she doesn't want Mom to miss her birthday party.

I guess there is no amount of planning that can be done to accelerate the healing process. We'll be doing lots of counseling soon and I'm sure that will help-and that was part of the planning process so maybe we did think of everything afterall. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Several people have asked about the music I used on the little DVD i made with Dori's pictures. At the risk of getting a call from the RIAA,here is the list:

goo goo dolls, song "better days" from the "better days" album
Lifehouse, song "you and Me" from the "Lifehouse" album
Ewen McGregor and Nic Kidman, "Come What May" from Moulin Rougue soundtrack
and Glenn Green, "How Good It Is" from "Made to Praise"

The band at the service was "One Voice", they do the music at the 9:15 Sunday service at St. Andrew-they're awesome. Great people and great talent.

Glenn performed at the wedding and did the "I can only Imagine" solo at the beginning along with other stuff and ended with "Be Still and Know" from the Made to Praise CD. Get Glenn's CD!! He is on itunes and can be found in Christian stores in San Antonio. He has a new CD due out soon! Glenn is a great guy and artist and you need to get his CD. My kids love it. Tait calls Glenn "that guy who sings about God". check out www.glenngreen.com